Supporting children of divorced or separated parents

In classrooms across Australia, many children are navigating one of life’s most challenging transitions, the separation or divorce of their parents. With over 40% of Australian marriages ending in divorce – and half of these involving children [1] – this experience is not uncommon, with some children also experiencing other family relationship separations.

Divorce and separation can bring profound emotional upheaval for children. While many will adjust or adapt over time – usually within a year or two [2] or perhaps three [3] – some will continue to struggle, especially when there’s ongoing parental conflict.

Children’s responses to separation and divorce can vary according to the level of parental cooperation, and each parent’s ability to protect and shield their children from any conflict. The children’s ages, stage of development, feelings of belonging and safety, and their resilience will also impact their ability to navigate the changes.

If parents continue to have conflict after separating, the behaviour and development of their children can deteriorate over time. Parental conflict in front of, or involving children, can have long-term negative implications for their children’s wellbeing.[4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

Parental conflict can be overt and highly intense, for example, parents arguing or yelling at each other. Conflict can also be covert, for example, a parent or parents directly involving the child in adult parenting issues, or continual criticism of the other parent. Both forms of conflict can have serious long-term implications for children.[9]

Often both parents require self-help and/or counselling to manage their emotions. This support can be found from free post separation co-parenting online programs or agencies such as Relationships Australia [10] or Emerging Minds. [11] There are also suitably experienced community-based or qualified private practitioners who can support parents experiencing distress and/or conflict.

It is not the school’s role to become involved in or to take sides when parents are in dispute or in protracted argument with each other, but a duty of care towards the child and the child’s wellbeing is a priority.

Want to know more about how to help the child of divorced or separated parents? Our recently published ebooklet Working with children of divorced or separated parents (new edition) outlines practical strategies to assist teachers, psychologists and others to support children to manage and adjust to changes that separation and divorce can bring and lessen the emotional toll, and possible impact on behaviour and academic achievement.

Psych4Schools offers a comprehensive library of ebooklets dedicated to enhancing the wellbeing, teaching and learning of children and young adolescents. To complement the ebooklets, Members can also access eight resource packages.

 

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Kind regards,

Murray Evely,

Psych4Schools Psychologist/Guidance Officer

You can contact us via email at: info@psych4schools.com.au

 

References

[1] Australian. Institute of Family Studies (2025) Divorces in Australia. https://aifs.gov.au/research/facts-and-figures/divorces-australia-2024

[2] Leon, K., and Spengler, L. (2005) Helping children adjust to divorce: a guide for teachers. Extension, University of Missouri. https://extension.missouri.edu/publications/gh6611

[3] Commonwealth of Australia, (2005) Me my kids and my Ex. Forming a workable relationship for the benefit of your children. Child Support Agency; Looking Glass Press (ill) https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5d12b7af143b5e0001024c26/t/5d2ffd2ed82a7c00010e211f/1563426100915/Me%2C+My+Kids%2C+My+Ex.PDF

[4] Paterson, N., Price-Robertson, and Hervatin, M., Australian Institute of Family Studies. Emerging Minds. National Workforce Centre for Child Mental Health (2021) Working with separating parents to support children’s well-being: What can we learn from evidence-base programs? February. https://emergingminds-cdn.b-cdn.net/content/uploads/2023/06/29142437/Working-with-separating-parents-paper.pdf

[5] Relationships Australia, (2014) What about the children? https://www.relationships.org.au/wp-content/uploads/What-about-the-children.pdf

[6] O’Hara K.L., and Cohen, B.R., (2024) A call for early, effective and scalable parent education programs for high-conflict separated/ divorcing parents: A synthesized perspective from prevention science and family law. Family Court Review, 2024, 62, 160-175 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38495867/

[7] Ibid

[8] Laletas, S., and Khasin, (2021), Children of high conflict divorce: exploring the experiences of primary school teachers, Children and Youth Services Review, 127, August, 2021,1 – 12. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0190740921001511

[9] O’Hara K.L., and Cohen, B.R., (2024) A call for early, effective and scalable parent education programs for high-conflict separated/ divorcing parents: A synthesized perspective from prevention science and family law. Family Court Review, 2024, 62, 160-175 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38495867/ page 163

[10] Relationships Australia, (2014) What about the children? https://www.relationships.org.au/wp-content/uploads/What-about-the-children.pdf

[11] Emerging Minds (2021) Working with separating parents to support children’s well-being: what can we learn from evidence- based programs? https://emergingminds-cdn.b-cdn.net/content/uploads/2023/06/29142437/Working-with-separating-parents-paper.pdf