Divorce, separation and parent alienation
May 15, 2026
Divorce and separation can bring profound emotional upheaval for some children. Responses to separation and divorce can vary according to the level of parental co-operation, along with each parent’s ability to protect and shield their children from any conflict. A child’s age, stage of development, feelings of belonging and safety, and their resilience will also impact their ability to navigate changes to their lives.
While many children will adjust or adapt over time – usually within a year or two [1] or perhaps three [2] – some will continue to struggle, especially when there’s ongoing parental conflict. If conflict continues after separating, particularly if in front of, or involving children, a child’s behaviour and academic achievement may deteriorate over time, often with long-term negative implications for wellbeing.
Unresolved parental conflict can be overt and highly intense, for example, parents arguing or yelling at each other. Conflict can also be covert, for example, a parent or parents directly involving the child in adult parenting issues or continual criticism of the other parent. Criticism and insults of the other parent may lead to the child feeling they are being criticised too, since children often see themselves as being half of their mum and half of their dad.[3] Put downs or bad-mouthing a parent can lead a child to feel there is something bad about them as well.[4] Both forms of conflict – overt or covert – can have serious long-term implications for children.[5]
Child wellbeing is a priority
Most children of divorced or separated parents want, and need to maintain a strong healthy, loving relationship with both parents, and to be shielded from parental conflict.[6] Our recently published ebooklet Working with children of divorced or separated parents (new edition) provides practical strategies to support children navigating one of life’s most challenging transitions, the separation or divorce of their parents.
In some cases, parents will be in dispute or protracted disagreement with each other. It is not the school’s role to become involved in or to take sides, but a duty of care towards the child and the child’s wellbeing is a priority.
Principals, psychologists, or those in wellbeing leadership roles may wish to consider referring parents to information and services such as the following:
- conflict issues – free online post separation co-parenting programs
- parent ‘games’ that can harm children including advice on forming workable relationships – Australian Government booklets such as ‘Me, my kids and my Ex. Forming a workable relationship for the benefit of your children’
- dispute resolution – information and guidance provided by the Family Court of Australia
- general advice – Australian Government Child Support Agency publications, such as those provided by Services Australia Separated parents.
Parent alienation can have distressing outcomes
Some children are at risk of parental alienation. Parental alienation can occur when one parent fosters or manipulates a child to turn against the other. [7] The undermining of the child’s relationship with the other parent can have severe and lasting negative impacts, including emotional distress, difficulty forming relationships, academic decline, and long-term wellbeing and mental health concerns.[8]
It is worth noting that the child’s best interests are always the primary focus of the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, and state/territory governed child protection agencies. These bodies disapprove of parental alienation and if proven may take steps to protect the child by changing living arrangements, directing counselling for the alienating parent, therapy for the child and parents, and actions to help rebuild relationships.
Along with strategies to support the child of separated or divorced parents the Psych4Schools ebooklet Working with children of divorced or separated parents (new edition) identifies some signs of parental alienation and provides advice to assist the child. Any suspicions about parental alienation of a child need to be thoughtfully managed and require consultation with school leaders. Principals may need to access legal advice and guidance from education departments or governing authorities and consider reporting to state or territory child protection authorities. If you form a belief of emotional abuse occurring, you will need to follow mandated legal responsibilities to report to child protection.
Psych4Schools offers a comprehensive ebooklet library dedicated to enhancing the wellbeing, teaching and learning of children and young adolescents. To complement the ebooklets, Members can also access resource packages.
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Kind regards
Murray Evely,
Psych4Schools Psychologist/Guidance Officer
You can contact us via email at: info@psych4schools.com.au
References
[1] Leon, K., and Spengler, L. (2005) Helping children adjust to divorce: a guide for teachers. Extension, University of Missouri. https://extension.missouri.edu/publications/gh6611
[2] Commonwealth of Australia, (2005) Me my kids and my Ex. Forming a workable relationship for the benefit of your children. Child Support Agency; Looking Glass Press (ill) https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5d12b7af143b5e0001024c26/t/5d2ffd2ed82a7c00010e211f/1563426100915/Me%2C+My+Kids%2C+My+Ex.PDF
[3] ibid
[4] ibid
[5] O’Hara K.L., and Cohen, B.R., (2024) A call for early, effective and scalable parent education programs for high-conflict separated/ divorcing parents: A synthesized perspective from prevention science and family law. Family Court Review, 2024, 62, 160-175 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38495867/ page 163
[6] Kruk, E. (2013) The impact of parental alienation on children. Undermining loving parent child relationships as child maltreatment. Psychology Today
[7] Kruk, E. (2013) The impact of parental alienation on children. Undermining loving parent child relationships as child maltreatment. Psychology Today
[8] verywell mind, Toketemu, O., (2024) The impact of parental alienation on children and families. What happens when one parent attempts to create a rift? pages 4-5